Copperfield Copped a Feel

Kazaam! David Copperfield has had his magical world turned upside down (and cut in half) since a woman has alleged he raped and assaulted her on one of his Bahamas islands. The Grand Jury is out deciding whether to press charges or not against the magician.

Several women have come forward claiming that Copperfield would pick up chicks using his act. He would tell his helpers which ladies he wanted to pick up, and then involve them in the act. That Copperfield was a smooth one. Screw picking up girls the old fashioned way, become a magician and you'll be getting more ass than the backseat of a rental car!

Dennis the Menace...to society.

I honestly didn't think Dennis Rodman was in costume, I thought he was just out on the town like any regular night. I was wrong!


Here the Rod dressed in drag (quelle surprise!) for a Halloween party in Hollywood, FL last night.

Trick or Treat

The spawn of Bruce and Demi came out last night to scare the kiddies dressed as a French hooker. I'm not sure I get the costume here. Why must girls dress like skanks for Halloween? Is there a memo about this I missed?

Yuk

Bravo Teri. Your costume worked. I am truly terrified. Aaaaaahhhh!!!

Here's Teri dressed as the Queen of Hearts for the Dream Halloweenie party.

Night Court

A part of me wishes that Britney would go all Osama bin Laden and hide out for a long time, but the other wicked part wants to see her self destruct in public. I must say though, she has been self-destructing for a while now, but has yet to actually explode..so she might just carry on this way for a while. I'll keep my eye out for her crazy ass any day over Paris Schmilton.



So Brit announced that she was going to court to ask the judge for overnighters with her kids. Why would she do that, she's never home at night? But when the time came at 8:30am, surprise surprise, Britney didn't show. But..she came into court 5 hours later. I guess she thought everyone was kind of hanging around, just chillin, and she'd show up whenever..but, uh, she was right. The lawyers and judge were still there. And B had 15 sheriff deputies waiting to escort her wacky weaved self in! So that's where our taxes go.


As of now, the judge said Brit could have an overnight visitation one night a week. Sorry boys.



In the end, it's very rare for a mom to loose custody of her kids, it's much more often the dad. Brit, shape up baby!
And on a closing note, here's B's weave upclose. Yak!

Fashion Victim

O Victoria! Just because your stylist says 'Vicky, you must wear this fabulous concoction. It's worth thousands of dollars and is made from polar bear placenta' doesn't mean you should actually put it on. Here's Posh Spice making an arse face of herself in Paris, which I hopefully assume is at least for a photo shoot, but with this girl, who knows for sure!

Why God Invented Publicists

Kid Rock needs to shut his face, his angry little monkey face. Why do any celebs think they should be the authority on political matters? Just entertain us, don't wax philosophical. Dance monkey, dance!

Now I'm not a fan of the Iraq war, but I'll support my soldiers because they need it. But Kid is a right winged kook, and made a veiled stab at Sean Penn's ridiculous stance on war. I love how Kid was 'shooting the shit' with Rumsfeld. Why they invited Kid to the White House I'll never know. He's a trailer trash creep who had a mild hit a few years ago. They must be running out of celebs to invite to the White House.


"These kids [U.S. soldiers] are very young and a lot of them think people who oppose the war are against them. You have to be very careful with what you talk about - especially when you are some Hollywood fucker. Just because you made a great movie doesn't make you are an expert on foreign policy."


"I was at the White House drinking a Beam and Coke, shooting the shit with Rumsfeld, when [President] Bush came by and gave me five like we were on Seven Mile and Van Dyke in Detroit."


"If it weren't for guns and people who know how to use them in America, we'd all be sitting around with swastikas saying, 'Heil Hitler!' "

Love conquers all

I was looking on that bitchy queen Perez Hilton's website, and saw this lovely picture of Brittany Murphy and her creepy hubby Simon Monjack. Eek!


She's really with him? That guy? Huh, interesting. I guess he has a great personality, although he looks like he could crush her since he's triple her size.

House of Horrors/Hoars

Heather, the reject from Rock of Love who got Bret's name tattooed on her neck has decided to mavo to LA to pursue an acting career. Good luck! The 'ex' stripper will be living with two other Love cast-offs Brandi C and Kristia, and, drumroll please.....Chris Crocker (you know, the crazy Britney guy.) Can you imagine? That place will be flea and skank ridden, smelling of hairspray and self-tanner. How the hell is this Chris kid famous? What is going on? Really, I think anyone can be a celebrity these days, just post a ridiculous video on YouTube and bammo, you're famous! It doesn't take skill people.



Speaking of Rock of Love, it turns out that the winner, Jes, was not actually in love with Bret (shocking!) and had a boyfriend back home. I knew I smelled a rat! What a gip, I thought that he would find love by gathering a group of fame hungry skanks with bad hair and making them do ridiculous stunts in order to win his love. What is this country coming to?!

Pixie Girl

Hooray for Michelle Williams, she will save us all! I like the new do, don't hate! Maybe it's for the best she parted ways with Heath Ledger, he's been lookin' all sorts of fug lately, tearing up the town with that model Helena Christensen. Anyway, the Brooklyn based actress is posing here for the red carpet premier of the Bob Dylan based movie 'I'm Not There.' I kind of want to see that film-Cate Blanchett stars as Bob Dylan in part of the movie, as does a ten year old black kid and Richard Gere, should be interesting.

Getting closer..

That Courtney Love, she is getting closer to having her face implode from all the plastic surgery she's had. You remember that movie, Brazil, where the woman gets an acid treatment to make her skin look younger but then she melts? I think that might happen here. Keep that girl out of the sun!



I'm seeing a start of a wonky eye too. Oh dear.

Fashionable?

Here are some photos of the fabulous Dita von Teese, pig nosed Victoria Beckham, and kooky Karl Lagerfeld at the Chanel fashion show in Paris. They look like wax works. But Posh always looks like that, she only has one look. Doesn't she realize she looks like a fool, always posing like a stuck up angry bitch? I don't get the appeal there. And what does she do again?
At least Dita does something for a living, girl is the most famous burlesque stripper in the world. Her parents must be proud. How does she get that skin to be so alabaster? Well, whatever her trick is, she should let me in on that, because I'm trying to even out my paleness. I think I look very Elizabethan. So there. Anyway, who can forget old Karl. I mean what's left to say? He's sort of a gray haired Jack Nicholson wannabe Victorian biker dude. Tres chic!

A Blohan is loose!

Hide the liquor and drugs! Lindsay Lohan has checked out of rehab at Cirque Lodge in Utah after two lovely months of not having her around. Clear the streets, she'll be back to the club scene soon enough. Of course she will say 'I'm only drinking water and dancing, I'm young and blah blah blah.' You know she'll be sneaking a flask in and popping some pills in the ladies room. It's Blohan, she can't help it!

The Horror..

Britney Spear's new music video for 'Gimme More' has arrived on the internet today, and man does it stink! She is riding around a stripper pole for the whole damn thing (what an artistic vision!) and occasionally there's a shot of her watching herself in a blonde wig from the bar. Ugh, you just have to see it to understand. At least the airbrushing job isn't all bad.



http://www.tmz.com/2007/10/05/britney-gimme-more-attention/#comments

Boo Boos

Frankly, I'm tired about writing about Britney, but I have to give the people what they want! Here's your latest Brit news..seriously, when will it stop?

Britney missed her court date this week where she should have been fighting to get custody back of her 'boo-boos' and was instead out going for a coffee run. And getting gas at a Shell station. And checking into the Regency Beverly Hills. Important stuff! Britney has to make an appearance in court October 26 for another custody hearing or she will go to jail for contempt of court. Get that cell ready boys!



She has been in and out of three different hotels this week. I'm not sure why she refuses to stay at home in her mcmansion (attention hoar anyone?) but she has been making the room service rounds. Here's some advice B, if you really want to be left alone (which I doubt you really do) you should rent some videos, get out the popcorn and stay at home a night, or two. It might do you some good. For reals!

And in addition, Brit missed her first visitation with her kids, and had the worst excuse I think I've ever heard..
K-Fed brought the kids over for a visit, but Brit's camp or whatever she has says that she missed it because she didn't hear Kevin ringing the intercom, or it was broke, I don't know. Doesn't she have a phone? That excuse does not fly with me missy! I bet she was in a Cheetos/Red Bull/ Crack coma. Ha!

Ladies and Gentlemen..

..Presenting the ever dapper and charming..and expressionless David Guest! (Whoop whoop whoop!)



Lisa Minelli's 54 year old ex, in London today for a comedy awards show, proves he's straight from tha streets, or maybe straight from the plastic surgeon's office. David is going for that Chinese symbol/Goth/Rapper/Chris Angel toss-off look. Oy Vey! Looks like when Liza hit him, she knocked the sense right out of him.

What Would You Do with $300 million?

It has been reported that Britney Spears is worth around $300 million, yet for someone with that money, she can't dress herself worth a lick and doesn't really seem to be that lavish, other than dropping ridiculous amounts on ugly ass clothes, bizarre hotel stays, and her constantly rotating McMansions. I was just thinking to myself, just pondering, what would life be like if I was worth that much. Here's what I would have/do:

I would have a constant hair/makeup/stylist team (even though i pick out the clothes baby.)

I would travel all over the world, stay in the finest places and eat the best food, shop at all the best stores, etc.

I would buy a huge apartment in the West Village in New York, a townhouse in London, an apartment in Paris on Rue St. Honoré, a mansion in Middleburg, VA, a house in Santa Fe, a pink beach house in Bermuda, a mansion in Newport, RI, and a ski cabin in Aspen. Yes, that's a lot of homes, but think of all the money I would save on hotels!

I would own a large yaught with a crew and sail around the Caribbean islands and east coast.

I would have a huge closet with a million clothes, and one of the huge shoe racks.

I would hire a full staff-butler, maid, personal chef, trainer, animal care-taker, and personal assistant for my every luxurious whim.

I would buy a bunch of pets-a few dogs, a cat, a bunch of little birds, a horse, and a huge fish tank with exotic fishes.

I would have a fleet of mopeds, a silver BMW coupe, a red Mercedes, and a black Audi.

I would spend my time decorating my many mansions, and collecting art and vintage furniture.

I would invest in different kinds of lessons and classes, like more art classes, music classes, horse riding lessons, and all that jazz.

I would try out a music career by making a music album (yes, I know that's cliche.) I would also have a huge art studio where I could do all my art projects, and I would make my own fashion line-probably only for myself, but wouldn't that be fun?!

I would eat at a different restaurant each night, I would learn how to cook, arrange flowers, sew, play guitar and drums and harp, and I would go on hunts and put in a clay pigeon machine in my sprawling backyard.

I would invest a lot of money, and then gamble at the high rollers table in Vegas.

Oh yeah, and I guess give a bunch of stuff to charity and so forth.

He's Still Around?

That incorrigible Chris Crocker is still at it, hanging out with famous tranny/celebrity brother or uh sister Alexis Arquette. I must admit, that Crazy Chris is pretty, girly pretty. And Alexis, well, um, I like his/her uhhh, weave, sort of?

Anyway, the two gals were hanging out in Hollywood for the Fox Reality Channel Really Awards last night, tearing up the town and giving the love squeeze to that cheeseball 'Heat' from I love New York. Love the leopard top Chrissy!

Hey Jude, You're Going Bald

Whoa, Jude is going bald! Well, you know what, he still looks better than half the dudes in Hollywood. And you know what else, know one can be that suave and handsome and charming without some sort of imperfection. So go Jude, rock that male pattern baldness!



Here's a list of some of the great baldies of the world. There's some inspiration for you J-Dog!

Ghandi
Michael Jordan
Sean Connery
Samuel L. Jackson
Damon Wayons
Larry David
Paul Shaffer
Vin Diesel
Billy Corgan
Moby
Billy Zane
Bruce Willis
Sinead O'Connor
and Demi Moore (in GI Jane)

See, there's hope yet!

Timeline of Crazy!

So I was trying get a collection of all the crazy stuff Brit has put herself or been through this year, a krazy timeline if you will:

Brit was caught by snapping paps driving with her little one not properly strapped in the baby car seat.

Child Services visit her home after reports that Sean P. bumped his noggin.

Brit goes on Dateline with Matt Lauer to bitch about how the media is trying to destroy her, but she looks like a cracked out fat hoochie, and her fake lashes falls off.

Uh oh, B gets pregnant again and poses on the cover of Bazaat, ala Demi Moore. gross.

Divorced Kevin Federline via text message, November 7, 2006.

Britney starts hanging out with Paris the Parasite, flashes coochi, takes off pants in nightclub, etc.

Child services again visit Brit after a report of bizarre public behavior and substance abuse allegations arrive.

She hosts nightclub Pure's New Years Eve party, but allegedly collapses on the floor.

In Feb '07, Spears heads to a random barber shop in CA and shaves her head. Skinhead Britney!

She then checks into rehab, but checks out one day later.

She then checks into rehab in Antigua, but then checks right back out again after a day.

Then again she rechecks into Promises rehab center and actually stays the whole month.

Brit starts working out and getting in shape for a crappy mini-tour in the House of Blues. Lip-synched of course!

Things look up, but by July '07, a photo shoot with OK! Magazine goes awry. Brit lets her puppy poop on a gown, she wipes chicken grease on a dress, leaves the door open to pee and her assistant takes off with $15,000 of stuff.

Federline finally steps up and asks for full custody

Brit opens up the VMAs with a horrendous performance and a too small lingerie set.

Brits publicist, assistant, manager, and lawyer all drop her, and she is a woman alone.

After a secret witness, who was her ex-bodygaurd, comes out and makes allegations about her bizarre behavior, Britney is ordered by the judge to undergo parent counseling, random drug-testing in order to maintain custody of the kids.

Sept '07, Brit is charged with hit-and-run and driving without a license after an August incident where she pulled in a parking lot and then bumped into another car but didn't seem to care.

Oct 1, 2007, Brit looses custody of the kids after it turned out she didn't do anything the judge ordered, and still drove without a license with the kids in the car, even after she was charged with hit-and-run and driving without a license.
Clearly she is a complete idiot and a nut, and is not only dangerous to those poor kids but to herself and others. Lock her up and throw away the key!